COMM 421: Reflection

One of the most critical lessons that came from this course came from the very beginning of our class, COMM 421 Communication and Conflict Management, as we were introduced to the nature of conflict. Understanding what makes a conflict destructive, such as a critical start-up, the four horsemen of the apocalypse, and avoidance spirals, were all damaging elements that have been present in many of my relational conflicts. Despite their presence, however, I was blind to them before being given understanding from this class’s essential foundation. The four horsemen: stonewalling, defensiveness, criticism, and contempt, were especially relevant. Since learning about them, I have already found myself referencing them in my daily life when giving advice to my friends and family. Because I now have this awareness, I can implement practices, such as turning a critique into a constructive complaint, and will have a chance at better relational outcomes.

Another lesson that particular stood out to me was our application on emotions in conflict. The reminder that poor behavior leads to damaged relationships and emotional avoidance leads to resentment, prompting us to keep our arguments in a “mid-range” zone of effectiveness, was a gem of advice (Berry et al., 2022, p. 215). Emotions can feel intense at times; this is true not only for me but for many close members of my family as well. This intensity has often blurred the lines in our conflict and led to destructive patterns. However, through the material of this class, I’ve been encouraged to bring mindfulness into my harder conversations, leading with clarity and compassion that “makes space for our own feelings and the feelings of others” (Berry et al., 2022, p. 216). This type of reflection allows us to slow down, re-evaluate the stories we are telling ourselves, and filter out the narratives that are being led by emotion instead of truth (Berry et al., 2022, p. 216).

A final lesson I’ll take away from this course was learning how to differentiate positions from interests. This is an excellent conversational skill to have because during a conflict, we can get swept up and project our beliefs onto others without stopping to ask them what it is they are seeking (Berry et al., 2022, p. 301). I’ve seen this happen many times in my own life and the misunderstandings result in greater conflicts than necessary. However, the emphasis in Module 9’s interpersonal negotiation has helped me remember the reality of variance in underlying interests and the importance of transparent conversations.

All of these lessons from this course and more have come together in a meaningful way for me, both as a student and as an individual. I have already began implementing them in my personal life, and I know that they are something I will continue to carry forward professionally in my career as a future counselor. My path toward clinical mental health counseling is the primary reason I enrolled in this course, as I was hoping to learn methods of constructive conflict management and mediation that I could embody and bring to future clients. Conflict, especially interpersonal conflict with close loved ones, can be deeply stressful and difficult to navigate. If I can make those challenges even a little easier for others to manage by learning more about it, I will take every opportunity to do so. This class was a strong beginning that I’m entirely grateful to have had in my undergraduate work.

References:

Berry, K., Hocker, J. L., & Wilmot, W. (2022). Interpersonal conflict (11th ed.). McGraw Hill.